Putting it out there

Okay, girls, I don't want to be shocking, but I would like to bring up the big S word. Of course, it would be alot easier NOT to talk about it in connection to our walk with God - but since it is getting talked of EVERYWHERE else, we can't avoid it.

So, let's talk about sex.

In spending time with young women, mostly unmarried, I am constantly burdened by the fact that sex is such a big deal. Honestly, alot of you define if you are close to God by your success or failure at using self-control in this area.

So, it needs to be discussed.

I am going to make some broad statements - you may not fall into these categories, but this is what I have observed.

• Young adults are having sex and feel like they are more ______ (normal, with it, well-adjusted) if they can be casual and detached as they move from relationship-to-relationship or partner-to-partner.
• Young men are using pornagraphy like crazy, and woman are conditioned to accept it without hope for purity or restraint.

Why are these a problem?
Of course, the simple answer we all heard growing up was the Bible says they are.
But as Lauren Winner discusses in Real Sex: the naked truth about chastity, there is a big difference between being told what is right and being able to believe it and having it change you.

Truthfully, I don't get the impression from most of you that you think that having sex is affecting your life.

And that statement is the beginning of why we have a problem...

Sex WAS NOT designed by God as a way to make babies in marriage and a way to destroy us outside of it. Would you really think of Him as so mean?

So why does it exist and why does it matter if it is meaningful and within marriage?

God created humans with emotions for His benefit. When sex is used incorrectly (casually, uncommittedly) it comes with reservation. When misused continually, it comes with complete detachment EMOTIONALLY. It is tranformed from an emotional connection to a physical pleasure. Basically, you teach yourself how to ENJOY the NOW of sex, while training yourself to not get hurt by the UNSURITY of LATER (ie. can I trust this person? do I like what I know of this person? will they be around later?)

What was God's design?
God's design was for sex to be shared within the emotional connection between a husband and a wife. The physical pleasure is meant to be paired with emotional connection - LOVE - that we as humans are born needing. But that is only the beginning. *John Piper says it better...*

God made us to have this LOVE so we would be able to develop that feeling in a relationship with him. When we associate the height of our physical pleasure with our most trusted relationship, we realize that the pleasure is from the trust. Therefore, as we find God to be THE MOST TRUSTWORTHY, we can find Him the most pleasurable.

I hope I am not losing you... this is the most important part I want you to read.

If you are having detached sex, you should not be surprised that you have trouble feeling connected with God. You taught yourself how NOT to FEEL... and you are SHOCKED you can't feel Him.

Never wanting to end on a hopeless note, I offer the only advice I know:

• Repent - Turn from self-centered sex.
  
• Ask God to restore the emotions you worked hard to disconnect from.
• Until you feel alive again and can follow God emotionally, follow Him with obedience. He will honor your faithful seeking with RESTORATION.